Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim Read online

  You’re driving now.

  And I’ll pack the car with the things we need as we shuttle back and forth for visits; the summer clothes I’m storing at my house, plus the dogs, and maybe a fresh basil plant, because who doesn’t need fresh basil?

  But I won’t bring art that isn’t your taste, like I did last trip. Or clothing that is warm enough to wear in the Arctic, as is my wont.

  And every mother’s wont.

  I’ll be the best passenger ever.

  Because you’re the best driver ever.

  Love, Mom

  Dear Mom,

  At twenty-five, I can’t claim to have much worldly wisdom to impart to you, that’s more your department. But there’s never been I time I didn’t know you, so it’s safe to say I know you pretty well. And when I think about what’s in store for you over the next five years, I see success, love, and motherhood, but I think you’ll redefine all three. Here’s what I see for you, what I wish for you, and what I want to be for you.

  One of the things I admire most about you is how even after achieving success, you have all the energy and ambition of, well, a twenty-five-year-old. So I bet you’ll reach an even higher career peak over the next five years. But I worry that you’ll put more pressure on yourself in turn. Go easy. You had to do a balancing act when I was a kid, but now that you no longer have a teenager making demands or a college student whose school breaks dot your calendar, you can take advantage of this breathing room, even if it means keeping it as just that. By all means, chase what inspires you, write what moves you, but remember that there are many valid pursuits, some yet to be discovered. Be open to new passions and new loves.

  Speaking of love, I hope and believe you will find romance in the next five years. You haven’t put yourself out there much in terms of dating, but you can change that whenever you want to. You may make yourself more available, or I wouldn’t be surprised if your charm attracts someone against your will; either way I think it will happen. At my stage in life, I’m putting myself out there constantly, and if you forget what that’s like, let me remind you—you will have many horrible, boring, obnoxious dates. Do not be discouraged. It’s part of the process and material for the books. And I know that if you get out there again, white knuckle it through a few weirdos and snoozefests, you will have a totally fantastic, magical date. It’s a statistical certainty. But you have to play to win.

  When you do find a man who holds your interest, listen to the advice you give me: Don’t settle. I’m not worried about your putting up with a total jerk, that’s a rookie mistake. But you may find yourself in a relationship with a great guy who is still not great for you, a guy who’s close-but-no-cigar. Let that one go. Because age doesn’t make a case for settling, it argues the opposite. You didn’t go through the rise and fall of Thing One and Thing Two just to marry Thing Three. You’re stronger than ever, wiser than before, and now you know what you want and need in a relationship—so ask for it, expect it, believe in it. Let your past experience guide you to the love you deserve and nothing less. Because you are smart, funny, and beautiful, and you deserve it all.

  As for us? I see our relationship growing and deepening, while the essential bond remains the same. You’re my mother, my hero, and my best friend, and I’ll always want your input and advice. But whereas I used to look to you for the little stuff—a ride to play practice, blow-drying the back of my hair, making plane reservations—in the next five years, I’ll look to you for life’s more important questions, like, “Is this career shift the right move?” or “Do you think he’d make a good father?” I’m sure we’ll still have stupid tiffs over silly things, but as I get older, I gain perspective, and that makes me value our closeness even more.

  Maybe the main thing about our relationship that will change is the direction. When you were raising me, you had to tell me, teach me, guide me. Now that I’m an adult, let me be the one to reach to you. And you can trust that I always will.

  But there I go again, thinking of how you’ll help me, instead of how I can help you. I’m still getting the hang of this new direction myself. Although it can feel like there’s greater distance between us, in reality I can offer you so much more now than I could when I was a kid, and I want to. As a child, I was a constant presence of walking, talking, needy love. Of course I still love you, but now I can offer you real friendship, even better than we’ve known before. I want to give you all the support you’ve always given me, guidance where I can, fun and joy everywhere else. Just don’t ask for grandchildren. You’ve got at least ten years on that.

  Love, Francesca

  Acknowledgments

  We would like to express our love and gratitude to everyone at Macmillan and St. Martin’s Press for supporting this book and its predecessors. First and foremost, thanks to Coach Jen Enderlin, our terrific editor, as well as to the brilliant John Sargent, Sally Richardson, Matthew Shear, Matt Baldacci, Brian Keller, Jeff Capshew, Michael Storrings, John Murphy, John Karle, and Sara Goodman. We appreciate so much your enthusiasm for these books, and we thank you for everything you do to support us.

  We’d also like to thank Mary Beth Roche, Laura Wilson, Esther Bochner, Brant Janeway, and St. Martin’s audiobook division, especially for giving us the opportunity to record our own audiobook, which is the way it should be done. An authentic voice will always ring true, and stories are meant to be told, not read, which is why we love audiobooks.

  Huge thanks and love to our amazing agents, Molly Friedrich, Lucy Carson, and Molly Schulman of the Friedrich Agency. They’re the smartest, funniest, and most loyal bunch you’ll ever meet. God bless them for their great good hearts.

  Thanks to The Philadelphia Inquirer, which carries our “Chick Wit” column, and to our editor, the wonderful Sandy Clark.

  One of the biggest hearts in creation belongs to Laura Leonard, and her help, friendship, and love sustain us. Laura, thank you so much for all of your great comments and suggestions to this manuscript. We owe you, forever.

  Love to our girlfriends, among them Nan Daley and Nora and Jolie Demchur, Paula Menghetti and Bev, Tori, and Alex, Franca Palumbo and Jessica Limbacher, and of course, Molly Friedrich and Julia, Lucy, and Pi-quy Carson. And thanks and love to Francesca’s kitchen cabinet, Katy Andersen, Rebecca Harrington, and Courtney Yip (and the two men she trusts as brothers, Ryder Kessler and Marshall Roy), who help her navigate New York City and everything else. We’re blessed in all of you.

  Family is the heart of this book, because family is the heart of everything. Special thanks and love to Mother Mary and Brother Frank, and we still miss the late Frank Scottoline, though he is with us always.

  Finally, thank you to our readers. We value your support so much, as well as all the stories of your own you’ve shared with us over the years. If you feel like you know us, you’re right. In fact, you’re one of the Flying Scottolines now, and we’re stuck with each other.

  We’re family.

  Other Nonfiction by Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella

  Best Friends, Occasional Enemies

  My Nest Isn’t Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space

  Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

  Fiction by Lisa Scottoline

  Come Home

  Save Me

  Think Twice

  Look Again

  Lady Killer

  Daddy’s Girl

  Dirty Blonde

  Devil’s Corner

  Killer Smile

  Dead Ringer

  Courting Trouble

  The Vendetta Defense

  Moment of Truth

  Mistaken Identity

  Rough Justice

  Legal Tender

  Running from the Law

  Final Appeal

  Everywhere That Mary Went

  About the Authors

  LISA SCOTTOLINE is a New York Times bestselling and Edgar Award–winning author of nineteen novels, including the forthcoming Don’t Go. She has served as president of the Mys
tery Writers of America and her novel Look Again has been optioned for film. This is the fourth collection of humorous essays written with her daughter, Francesca Serritella, compiled from their weekly column for The Philadelphia Inquirer. There are 35 million copies of Lisa’s books in print in the U.S., and she has been published in thirty countries. She lives in the Philadelphia area with an array of disobedient pets. Visit Lisa on Facebook, Twitter, and at www.scottoline.com.

  FRANCESCA SERRITELLA graduated cum laude from Harvard University, where she won the Thomas Temple Hoopes Prize, the Le Baron Russell Briggs Fiction Prize, and the Charles Edmund Horman Prize for her creative writing. She is working on a novel, and she lives in New York with only one dog, so far. Visit Francesca on Facebook, Twitter, and at www.francescaserritella.com.

  MEET ME AT EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE CLAIM. Copyright © 2012 by Smart Blonde, LLC, and Francesca Scottoline Serritella. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  All photographs courtesy of the authors.

  Cover design by Michael Storrings

  Cover photograph © Shutterstock

  ISBN 978-0-312-64008-8 (hardcover)

  ISBN 9781250025074 (e-book)

  First Edition: November 2012